Why We Should Stop Filming Strangers Kissing and Start Cheering Them On

The Problem: Viral Videos of Private Moments

Imagine you’re sitting on a park bench, sharing a kiss with someone you like. Suddenly, a stranger walks up, points a phone camera at your face, and says, "Get a room! There’s kids around!"

That’s exactly what happened in New York City’s Central Park recently. A TikToker filmed two people kissing, posted it online, and the video got 3.9 million views.

What happened next was awful:

• Internet detectives figured out who the kissers were
• Thousands of strangers mocked their appearance (even their socks!)
• News outlets like the New York Post and Daily Mail published their names and jobs
• One article called it "the kissyface" — as if that’s a real news story

IMPORTANT POINT

This should never have been news. Two adults kissing in a park is not a crime. It’s not a scandal. It’s just… life. But in today’s world, any private moment can become public entertainment.

Real People Get Hurt: The Coldplay Concert Story

This isn’t the first time. Almost exactly one year earlier, two coworkers (a CEO and an HR director) were caught on the jumbotron at a Coldplay concert sharing a hug. The video spread everywhere for months.

What happened to Kristin Cabot (one of the people in the video):

• 500–600 phone calls per day from strangers
• About 60 death threats
• Called a "slut" and "home-wrecker"
• Police had to watch her house for safety
• She quit her job
• Her kids became afraid to go outside

She later explained: She and her husband were already divorcing. Her boss was too. She made a "bad decision" after a couple of drinks. But nobody deserves death threats for a mistake.

It’s Not Just About Them—It Affects All of Us

You might think: "Well, I’m not famous. This won’t happen to me."

But that’s the scary part. Even if the chance is small, the possibility changes how everyone behaves.

The Chilling Effect:

• People become afraid to flirt, date, or kiss in public
• Young adults are already having less sex and dating less
• Many single people say they aren’t interested in dating at all
• Gen Z especially feels paralyzed by the fear of being "cringe"

IMPORTANT POINT

Romance is messy. Flirting risks rejection. Kissing is awkward. Falling in love is humiliating (in a good way!). You have to look stupid sometimes to learn. But now, looking stupid might go viral forever.

Why Are Young People So Scared to Date?

The Numbers Don’t Lie:

Compare to the Past:

When older generations were young:

• They got drunk and kissed at parties
• They talked too loud on street corners
• They forgot to call someone’s landline
• Nobody filmed it. Nobody screenshot texts. Nobody became "West Elm Caleb." (A guy who went viral for… dating multiple women? The internet destroyed him.)

The "Panopticon" Effect: Feeling Watched All the Time

What’s a Panopticon? (ELI5 Version)

Imagine a circular prison where a guard in the center tower can see into every cell, but the prisoners can never see the guard. The prisoners never know if they’re being watched — so they act like they’re always being watched.

That’s social media today. You don’t see the cameras, but you feel them. You become a tiny crisis-PR professional in your own head, fast-walking through life, terrified of a misstep.

When Public Shaming Goes Wrong

Yes, Accountability Matters:

• Some men got away with bad behavior for years
• Women created "whisper networks" (like "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups and the Tea app) to warn each other
• That’s good! Protecting people from harm matters.

But Public Makeout Videos? Who Is Actually Harmed?

• The online mob doesn’t know what’s happening in that Central Park man’s marriage
• It’s none of their business
• Neither person in the video has spoken to the press
• Kristin Cabot’s story proves: The internet gets it wrong. A lot.

IMPORTANT POINT

Public shaming is a giant club hammering a glass nail. It destroys lives over things that are either:

1. None of our business
2. Already being handled privately (divorce, separation)
3. Just… human mistakes

Why Kissing in Public Is Actually Good (Science Says So!)

Research Supports PDA (Public Displays of Affection):

The Extra Magic of "Un-self-conscious" PDA:

• Affection in private and public is healthy
• But kissing like nobody’s watching — in a world where everyone could be — is special
• It shows you can step away from guardedness
• It proves you’re so into someone you don’t care how you look
• It’s a feat of un-self-consciousness in service of lust or love

The Author’s Change of Heart: From Cringe to Applause

The Journey:

1. Used to feel: Mild discomfort watching strangers kiss → Judge silently → Look away
2. Now realizes: That "cringey" feeling is exactly why it’s great
3. New reaction: Tip hat silently → "Thank you. That’s the shameless energy this nation needs."

Why This Matters Now:

• We live in a "frigid erotic environment" (Esther Perel’s term)
• People are scared, guarded, curated
• Spontaneous, live, uncurated yearning is a form of resistance
• It reminds us what being alive and in love looks like

How to Be Part of the Solution: 5 Simple Steps

1. Don’t film strangers having private moments — ever
2. Don’t share those videos if they cross your feed
3. Don’t join the pile-on in comments
4. Remember: You don’t know their story (divorce, open marriage, grief, joy)
5. Next time you see PDA: Smile. Think: "Good for them." That’s it.

Summary

• Viral videos of strangers kissing ruin lives (death threats, job loss, traumatized kids)
• The fear of going viral makes everyone — especially young people — afraid to date, flirt, or be vulnerable
• We live in a digital panopticon where we feel watched 24/7
• Science says PDA is healthy — it boosts relationship satisfaction and mental well-being
• Kissing in public is brave — it’s un-self-conscious love in a guarded world
• Stop filming. Start cheering. Shameless affection is the resistance we need.

FAQ

Q: But what if someone is cheating? Don’t we have a right to know?

A: You don’t know they’re cheating. You don’t know their arrangement. Even if they are — it’s between them and their partner. Public shaming hurts innocent people (like Kristin Cabot, who was already divorcing) and children. Let private matters stay private.

Q: Isn’t filming in public legal?

A: Legal ≠ Right. It’s legal to film in public parks. It’s also legal to be cruel. But kindness and privacy are choices we make. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Q: What about "whisper networks" warning about dangerous people?

A: Those serve a real safety purpose — protecting people from abuse. That’s completely different from filming a consensual kiss and mocking socks. One prevents harm. The other is harm.

Q: Why does Gen Z care so much about being "cringe"?

A: They grew up with smartphones. Every awkward phase, bad haircut, and failed flirtation could be recorded and shared forever. Older generations had the mercy of forgotten memories. Gen Z has permanent digital receipts.

Q: So I should just… kiss in public more?

A: If you want to! The point isn’t that everyone must do PDA. It’s that nobody should fear it. If you feel a surge of affection — go for it. If you see it — tip your hat. Shameless love is a radical act in a surveillance world.