Hayden Panettiere Opens Up About Her Hardest Decision as a Mom

What’s the Big News?

Actress Hayden Panettiere (you might know her from the TV show Nashville) is sharing a very personal story. In her new memoir (that’s a book where someone tells their own life story) called “This Is Me: A Reckoning,” she talks about the most painful choice she says she has ever made as a mother.

Important Point: Hayden gave full custody of her daughter, Kaya (who is now 11 years old), to her ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko. Kaya has lived with her dad in Europe since 2018.

Why Did She Make This Choice?

Hayden told Fox News Digital that when she made the decision, she knew she was in a really bad place in her life.

• She said: “I just knew that if I wanted to… I knew how bad a place I was in. I hid it from my daughter as much as I could.”
• She looked at the life Kaya had with her dad in Europe and saw a strong support system (like helpers and family around her).
• She thought: “If I fight, if I go to war about this, it’s going to permanently damage my child… it’s going to be ugly” because both parents are famous.
• So she decided: “Let her grow up here. I will travel as much as I can. I know she’s safe… she has an incredible life. And I also knew that there would be a day when she would come back to me.”

How She Coped With the Pain

Hayden, who is 36, said the sadness was huge.

• “I tried to numb myself.”
• “It was very hard to wrap my mind around the pain… But you keep putting one foot in front of the other somehow.”
• In the book, she wrote that not living under the same roof as Kaya is “the most gut-wrenching experience of my life.”
• She also wrote: “I grieve that I’m not the mother I thought I’d be… no one should ever have to raise a child on FaceTime” (FaceTime is a phone app for video calls). But she said she still feels blessed to be Kaya’s mom.

A Scary Pregnancy and Birth

While filming Nashville, Hayden went through a tough pregnancy. Her character on the show even went through similar stuff.

• Doctors saw worrying signs in scans (pictures of the baby inside) and feared baby Kaya might have microcephaly (a condition where a baby’s head is smaller than expected).
• She went to Hawaii to feel calm. There, Wladimir shared a Ukrainian good-luck tradition: kneel by a tree, hold it, thank God, and pray for what you need.
• Weeks later, the birth was life-threatening. During a C-section (a surgery to deliver the baby), doctors called a “code crimson” because her blood wouldn’t clot and her uterus got infected. She had 3 hours of emergency surgery.
• She said: “I almost passed away… I had seven blood transfusions. I didn’t know if I was going to make it.” (A blood transfusion is when doctors put new blood into your body.)

The Struggle After Birth

After surviving, Hayden had trouble bonding with Kaya.

• Friends told happy stories, and mentioned “the baby blues” (sad feelings after birth that usually go away).
• At first she thought she just had baby blues, but it got worse and lasted.
• Doctors didn’t diagnose her, so she coped by drinking alcohol because of anxiety (worry) and no sleep.
• She said: “You are just discontent and unhappy all the time… It doesn’t make rational sense.”
• In the memoir, she described “long days of nothingness” and anxiety like “a hulking monster that sits in your chest.”

Important Point: Hayden was later diagnosed with postpartum depression (PPP—a deep sadness and anxiety after having a baby that doesn’t go away on its own).

Getting Help

Here is how Hayden realized she needed professional help:

1. When Kaya was 4 months old, Hayden entered treatment for the first time because her drinking was out of control.
2. She said: “When you wake up in the morning and the first thing you’re thinking about is having a drink, it’s a problem.”
3. She told Kaya’s dad: “I need help, professional help… Is this the new normal?”
4. She went to treatment and said: “I’m at my breaking point. I need intervention. I need professionals.”
5. In 2015, anxiety came back and she relied on prescription medication (doctor-given drugs). She wrote she “walked into rehab addicted to one substance, and walked out dependent on something else.”

The Custody Decision in 2018

As Hayden battled addiction and mental health issues, her relationship with Wladimir ended for good in 2018.

• He gave her papers asking for full custody, saying: “I want full custody. I worry about Kaya when she’s with you.”
• Hayden said Kaya was always with loving caregivers and she was “never drunk and alone with Kaya.”
• Still, she didn’t fight it. She believed it was best for Kaya while she rebuilt her life.
• She was hurt by headlines saying “Hayden Panettiere gave up her daughter.” She said: “I was heartbroken… Everyone wants to be understood.”
• But she added: “I felt like I made the right call… Something must have gone right.”

Where Things Are Today

Hayden says she is doing “great” now.

• She travels to Europe often and spends lots of time on FaceTime with Kaya.
• She and Wladimir promised never to say bad things about each other to Kaya. She calls their relationship “kind.”
• Kaya is 11 and “becoming more curious about me… She is me. I understand her in a way that nobody else can.”
• Hayden hopes her story helps moms with postpartum depression feel less alone.
• “I feel connected to myself… I have a laundry list of things I would love to accomplish.”

Summary

Hayden Panettiere’s memoir shares her painful choice to give full custody of her daughter Kaya to ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko in 2018. After a scary birth and a battle with postpartum depression and alcohol, she put Kaya’s safety first. Today, she is sober, close to Kaya via visits and video calls, and hopes other struggling moms will get help.

FAQ

Q: What is postpartum depression?
A: It’s a strong, lasting sadness and worry that some moms feel after having a baby. It’s more serious than normal “baby blues” and often needs professional help.

Q: Why does Kaya live with her dad?
A: Hayden felt she was not in a good place to care for her full-time and saw Kaya had a safe, happy life in Europe with her dad. She chose not to fight custody to protect Kaya from a public battle.

Q: Is Hayden okay now?
A: Yes. She says she is doing “great,” feels connected to herself, and has a close bond with Kaya through travel and FaceTime.

Q: What is the name of her book?
A: It’s called “This Is Me: A Reckoning” and it is out now.

Q: Did Hayden really almost die having Kaya?
A: Yes. She had a life-threatening delivery with a “code crimson,” three hours of surgery, and seven blood transfusions.